Identical Twins, Individual Identities

As you already know, my name is Ashley. I wasn't always known as just Ashley though, but was one half of the entity "Ashley and Alicia", otherwise known as "the twins". When we were younger, I didn't really mind being part of a "unit". The thought of individuality never even crossed my mind. Being a part of something was a lot easier than finding my own way, and for a while, that was ok.

At some point though, something shifted. Maybe it was the attention we got from random strangers and feeling like we were in the spotlight every time we left our house, maybe it was the silly questions, "Do you know what she's thinking about right now?".. "Do you guys share a toothbrush or something?" and other questions like that. I don't know what it was, but over time, I grew a desire to be known as me, not just as "one of the twins". I don't know how many times I got pulled into something that I wasn't a part of just because we wore the same face. Even our younger siblings would do it. They would say things like, "Momma, the twins are being mean to me!", when in fact there was only one guilty party.

Another thing that happened a lot was that people would compare us to one another. Height, weight, hairstyles, fashion choices, all the way down to our smallest features. When we were younger, especially in our teen years, one of the biggest distinguishing features people used to tell us apart was this mole by my left eye. People would often get so close to me just to figure out "which one I was". Sometimes this actually made me uncomfortable, but I got used to it.

The truth is, Alicia and I may be 2 very similar people, but we are also quite different. Our closest friends can tell us apart easily, and might say things like, "Ashley has a deeper voice", or "Alicia likes blues, greens, and earthy tones while Ashley likes more vibrant colors like orange and purple". They might even tell you that "Alicia's the nice twin", or "Ashley's the evil one". But even those closest to us have fallen guilty of comparing us. Those comparisons made the desire to find my own separate identity even stronger.

When it came time for Alicia and I to get our first jobs, that's when I decided I really wanted something to change. While we both loved spending time at our neighborhood pool, I begged Alicia to do something different than become a lifeguard with me. As the "nice twin", Alicia agreed, but I could tell she was a little disappointed. Alicia ended up getting a job at a Baptist church school with a friend working with preschoolers, and I completed my lifeguard training and worked for the local school district at their Aquatic Center.

For the first time since early childhood when we were in public school, Alicia and I were doing separate things. We were meeting new people as separate individuals instead of as a pair. There were parts about this that were scary. I had always had a buddy to go with me before, and truth be told, if given the choice, I still prefer it that way. Now I had to do twice the talking, and learn to use my voice. This was huge for my personal growth. I went from being a shy homeschooler who rarely did anything by herself to running a lifeguard program and teaching safety classes (by myself!) for the school district.

You see, even though there was more pressure for me to step out of my comfort zone, the constant comparison to my twin did not exist in my workplace. Everyone's opinions of me were based solely on me, with no comparison to Alicia. We also made friends that only knew us as individuals. As we have gotten older, our lives have become more separate. Marriage, kids, living in different states, etc.  Alicia is still the first person I call for everything, and someone that I know will ALWAYS get me, because we are so similar. But we are individuals, and we are not defined by one another, identical, but each with our own God-given identities. 

If being a twin has taught me anything, I think it would be about the dangers of comparison. Theodore Roosevelt put it this way:  "Comparison is a thief of joy." When we focus on others instead of being true to our own selves, envy can sneak in and give Satan an oppurtunity to discourage us from the path God has set out for us.

Galatians 6:4-5 says this:  "Each of you must examine your own actions, Then you can be proud of your own accomplishments without comparing yourself to others".

God desires for each of us (even twins!) to be the unique person He created us to be. Spending time meditating in His Word can help us to understand who that is, and guide us on our individual journeys of self discovery.

In closing, my advice to you would be this: Stay true to yourself, and if you aren't quite sure who that is yet, start there. Life is a journey, enjoy the ride, and don't let comparison steal your joy.