Super Strength, Super Speed, Super.. Forgiveness?

Fair warning, in writing this post, I am really channeling my inner nerd, so bear with me.

Life has dealt me some tough times. I have been mistreated, wronged, and hurt by people that are close to me time and time again, and I know there are many that have a similar story. Lately, I have been confronted with some unforgiveness that I really need to work through. What I've noticed is that I have been dealing with my forgiveness issues like a superhero.. but not in the way you would think.

Some days I really feel like the Hulk.. I just feel the need to be angry. It's not even that something happened that day that gave me a reason to be mad, but something deep inside of me really wants to explode, become a green monster and whip out the purple shorts. Recently I have wondered if I find it easier to be angry than to let myself be happy. My body radiates tension, and I find rest and relaxation next to impossible. Whatever the reason may be, is this kind of anger really good for me?

Like Captain America, I tend to find it easier to stay in the past. Maybe staying where I'm familiar in my circumstances is easier than putting in the work that is necessary to get through them. Maybe I am afraid that the happiness won't last because I have been let down one too many times,  or maybe I don't believe that I deserve happiness at all.

Other days, I feel like Flash. I just wish someone would give me permission to "Run Ashley, Run." My problems overwhelm me  and the messy parts of my life are just too hard to deal with. So, if I can't run away from the pain, what do I do? I often find myself getting zoned out on my phone, or shopping for temporary happiness in things I don't need instead of confronting the issues that are right in front of my face.

Sometimes, like Tony Stark, I find myself trying to drink away the feelings of my past.. alcohol can really have a numbing effect on the pain, and it tries to seduce me into thinking it can solve all of my problems. Giving into this seduction makes it hard to be in the moment and focus on my family and those closest to me.

As much as I hate to admit it, there are days I even put on a mask like Batman. It seems easier to wear artificial happiness and only expose what is good than to confront raw, honest truths. Truths that show weakness and vulnerabilities. Having these truths hidden feels safe.

At times, like Green Arrow, I have even kept a ledger in my head of those who have failed me and need to pay for their sins.. or at least apologize. There are times in life people have hurt me, and sometimes an apology was never offered, but I am only hurting myself by holding on to this pain. Only forgiveness can give me the freedom I need to be happy.

I don't need Wonder Woman's lasso of truth to tell me what the Bible says about forgiveness, but for some reason, I keep trying to solve my problems my own way.

On days that I have hit my breaking point and want to just cry out like the Black Canary, even my stereo screams reminders of truth and forgiveness from God's word.

The answer to my forgiveness issues can only be found by looking to my heavenly hero, Jesus Christ, who, although His powers are unmatched, like Superman, came to live in a world that was not His home. Lovingly, He embraced humanity, and ultimately sacrificed Himself to give hope to all, even the very people who had wronged, abused, and rejected Him. If he could forgive them like that, then who am I to judge whether or not someone is worthy of my forgiveness?

Let's see what God says about this not so super issue of unforgiveness.

Matthew 6:14-15 (KJV) says this,

"For if ye forgive men their trespasses,  your heavenly father will also forgive you:
But, if you forgive not men their trespasses,
neither will your father forgive your trespasses."

Ouch! Seems kind of harsh, but pretty straightforward.. God will forgive us in the same way we forgive others.. so if we hold on tightly to the wrongs that have been committed against us, God will do the same with our wrongdoings.. I don't know about you, but I sure don't want that. Let's keep reading.

Matthew 18:21 (NASB) shares this exchange between Peter and Jesus:

"Then Peter came and said to Him, 'Lord, how often should my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?'
Jesus said to him, ' I do not say to you up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven'."

It sounds to me like there should be no limit on our forgiveness, so why is it that we often choose to hold grudges on those who have wronged us? The Bible says tells us in the book of Micah that God forgets our sins, yet we still choose to keep that ledger of wrongs committed against us.

Micah 7:18-19 (NIV): " Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea."

Some days it feels like finding an infinity stone that would allow us go back and change time would be easier than letting go of our past, but the truth of the matter is that when we let go, we allow room for God to enter into our suffering, and true healing can be found. We can't move forward if we continue to keep one foot in the past. Even the craziest time travel theories can't put a person in two places at once without something going wrong.

I find this verse in Isaiah to be interesting:

Isaiah 43:25 (NASB): "I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for my own sake, And I will not remember your sins. "

God says that he wipes out our transgressions FOR HIS SAKE. Does this not tell us that letting go is a good thing? He doesn't say that he forgets our sins for us, but for HIS own good. Can you imagine the weight He would be carrying if He held on to every sin commited against Him? That would be a pretty heavy burden. Sounds to me like we should take a hint.

If The Creator of the Universe's answer to forgiveness is 'let it go', then why are we trying to hold on to past sins with superhuman strength? Why are we allowing that green monster to come out and consume us with anger? Have we really solved anything by hiding behind a mask, or trying to run or drink our problems away? By continuing to forgive like a superhero, we are only hurting ourselves.

God's answer is pretty simple. Let it go. Forgive if you want to be forgiven, it is for your own good. You will grow in strength and character through the trials you face in life. God will be right there with you if you leave room for Him. Let the past go so you can follow the path God has set for you. There may be bumps along the way, but you may need to go through them to grow. Remember that He works all things together for our good. We just have to trust and do it His way, and will blessed if we do.

If you're struggling to forgive like I have, that is ok, there is grace for you. And I am not suggesting that there is such a thing as "speed healing" when it comes to wounds of the heart. However, getting into God's Word and asking for His help is a step in the right direction. Then maybe you too, will be able to experience true forgiveness, and the freedom that comes from letting go.